What The Hell Are Short Stoppers?
I often jot down notes on my phone when I think of something to write about. If I don’t, that idea will be gone into the ether five minutes later. I was looking at my list of notes today and found one that simply said “Short Stoppers.” What the hell? I have no clue what I was thinking about on that one. Evidently I thought those two words would be enough to jog my memory, but I’m coming up blank. What could I have possibly meant to write about?
This?
I highly doubt it. I don’t even watch baseball that much. I’ll check the Texas Ranger score on My Yahoo page every now and then (I think they are out of contention this year aren’t they?) and I might watch a few games of the World Series, but I am pretty sure I didn’t get an idea to write about baseball short stops. So what then? As I always say, when in doubt Google out. After typing in “Short Stoppers” and hitting search, Google immediately came up with images for me.
First Image
Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell.
Second Image
Don’t think so, but Bionic Super Stoppers? Do we use these to stop The Six Million Dollar Man or The Bionic Woman? If so, stop them from doing what? Oh, maybe they are like temporary replacements when their bionic toes malfunction? You know, like on roller skates so they can stop after some bionic super running?
Third Image
This is called The Short Stoppers TLM 2000. I have no idea what that even is, but I am pretty sure it’s part of Skynet. At least it had the right name this time. Still not it though.
Fourth Image
Now this one was interesting. That is until I looked into it further and found out it was talking about stocks and bonds and financial boring things. No naked shorts at all on that site. Now that I think about it, what would naked shorts be anyway? If you were naked, then shorts probably wouldn’t be figuring into the equation to begin with.
OK, Google, you failed me. I still can’t figure out what I was talking about with that note. As I look at those two words, Short Stoppers, I begin to think that maybe I mistyped it. Could it have been Short Hoppers? No, can’t think why I would be making fun of dwarf kangaroos. Although that would be fun to see. The Learning Channel probably already has a show about them. Wait a minute. Something is starting to take focus…. Shorts Stopper. But what does it mean? Oh yea, I am seeing a vision in my head. It’s getting clearer. It’s…. It’s….. this!
My note was supposed to be SHORTS STOPPER, and it was to remind me that we need to stop these jizz waffles that wear shorts in cold weather! I mean, come on, if it’s cold enough to wear a hoodie or a coat then you DON’T need to be wearing shorts! Put some pants on! Arggggggggg! It drives me crazy seeing these guys walking along with their North Face jackets and cargo shorts when there is snow on the ground. I know you are cold dude! I can see your legs turning purple. So why? Why for the love of God don’t you at least put some frakking sweats on? Just don’t get it.
Well at least I remembered what the note was about. Sorry you had to come along on that painful journey.
9 thoughts on “What The Hell Are Short Stoppers?”
That journey was completely worth it for the phrase “jizz waffles”. I’ll probably be finding far too many uses for that in the near future.
Every time I see those guys in shorts though I think of a guy who worked in the mailroom in my office. He wore shorts and short sleeves every day of the year. I wondered if he radiated heat but never wanted to get close enough to him to find out.
Christopher recently posted…Let’s Get Quizzical.
Interestingly enough, I got that term from a weird little book I found on a co-worker’s desk a few years ago. It was a book that generated insulting terms for people. How it worked was the book was split in half so that the left pages and the right pages could be flipped vertically independent of the other one. So depending on which page was flipped on either side, it would make different terms. I closed my eyes and randomly flipped open both sides and there was JIZZ on the left side (not literally) and WAFFLES on the right. I’ve been using that term ever since to help clarify my view on certain people.
Last year I was in Gatlinburg, snow flakes were falling, and there was a dude sitting at an outside table with his feet up reading a newspaper….in shorts! The maniac! I was wearing fleece long johns under my jeans, and his legs were naked!
Maybe short stoppers could be a clip that stops your shorts falling down all gansta-like? Clips to your shirt!
Mrs Fancy-Pants recently posted…Australia’s War On Halloween
I like that idea!
It’s a much-needed product!
Mrs Fancy-Pants recently posted…Australia’s War On Halloween
I want that damn book.
halfa1000miles recently posted…Why Women Don’t Report Shit
Here’s one on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/Creative-Cursing-Match-Profanity-Generator/dp/0762435755
Image #3 is the floorplan of my apartment.
And I assumed that Short Stoppers would be something like I have to re-cork my wine. The fancy wine stoppers are all too damn long to allow you to leave the bottle standing, and of course, they don’t seal well enough to lay it down without wasting wine all over your fridge or countertop.
Shorts Stoppers Unite! I’m grateful I don’t live anywhere near snow, or I would go apeshit fighting those douchecanoes that wear shorts out in it.
emelle recently posted…A recipe I posted five years ago on the facebooks… updated?
Good thought on the wine stoppers. I’ve experienced the same headaches with that!
I think you should record a Public Service Announcement to let those guys know the douchery that they’re displaying.