For the backstory on this series of posts see here.
Remember something momentous that happened to you. Then write about what happened right before the incident.
My culinary skills back then were definitely not up to Chef Ramsay’s standards. They still aren’t, but significantly better. I could probably give the local chef at the Golden Corral a run for his money. Anyway, that night my wife had to work late so I decided to fix dinner. It was going to be one of my go to meals from my single days, Pizza Quicks. Basically they were little pizzas on bread instead of pizza dough. To do them right you really needed to use Texas Toast, but in California that was hard to come by, so I used hamburger buns instead.
My 7 year old step daughter loved Pizza Quicks and I enlisted her help in preparation. I gave her the job of laying out the hamburger buns on a baking pan covered in tin foil. While she was working on that I grated some mozzarella cheese. Then I got the other toppings together; sliced pepperoni, mushrooms, and black olives. I spooned out the sauce from the Pizza Quick jar onto each bun and spread it evenly, making sure not to make it too light or too thick. I sprinkled the cheese on top of the sauce and then let my step daughter place the toppings. Pepperoni first, followed by mushrooms, then black olives, and finally a little more cheese on the top. We set the oven to bake and slid the pan inside. We both crouched down and watched through the little window as the buns began to brown and the cheese started to melt. For the last minute we switched the oven to broil to make sure the toppings and extra cheese would get thoroughly cooked. Then we took them out and dished out a few onto three separate plates, which we placed on the table that my step daughtered had dutifully set.
Not the most gourmet meal you’d ever see, but we had a good time preparing it, and I was looking forward to sitting around the table as a family while we ate and discussed our day. I looked at my watch and noticed that my wife was running a little later than she had planned. I let my step daughter go play in her room and told her I would call her when we were ready. A little while later I heard the front door open as my wife came in. She looked at the table set for our evening meal.
“Thanks for making dinner,” she said. “I’m having an affair….”
Last Christmas, my wife gave me a book called 642 THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT. That was thoughtful of her since she knows I like to pretend to be a writer. So, of course, I placed it on a bookshelf and promptly forgot about it, which was quite thoughtless on my part.
Fast forward to now, which is almost a year later. I saw the book sitting on the table along with several other items that my wife had planned to give to my mother-in-law when she visited for Thanksgiving. Well now, you know I was having none of that. I snatched the book up and informed her that it was mine. The fact that I had never used it was not germane to my argument. That’s man thinking right there. You’re not going to give away my stuff, even if I don’t use it. Which is a dumb way to think, but hey, Y chromosome and all.
Now that I have a blog, I realized this book might come in handy for times when I can’t think of anything to write about, which happens more often than I’d like to admit. True to it’s name, there are 642 random topics listed inside to write about. Not sure how they set the maximum number of topics at 642. Were they just spitting balling ideas for a few days straight and then like, OK enough, we’re done? Hey intern, count those up. 642? Sounds good to me, go to press!
Under each topic they have space to write below it. Write? As in longhand? What is this, the dark ages? I have a better idea. I’ve decided that from time to time I am going to randomly pick one of these topics and write about it here. Who knows how it might turn out? For this post I am going to pick the first topic in the book. From there on out I will randomly pick one.
Here we go, 1/642.
What can happen in a second? Kind of a general topic but let me see what I can come up with.
- Well, I’m an electronics technician by trade and I deal with all kinds of timing circuitry of the mili, micro, and nano second variety. But my hope is to attract readers, not repel them. Pass.
- I’m obligated (by who?) to go a bit dirty, so quickies come to mind. But, srlsly, I’ve never been that quick. Believe me, I’ve tried. My wife bet me I couldn’t finish in under a minute. Nailed it! Literally. Maybe something of which I shouldn’t be proud. Come to think of it, she probably just wanted to hurry so she could watch Dance Moms. Again, I’m sure this is repelling readers. Pass.
- OK, I got one! I can know within a second if what I’ve said to my wife will put me in the dog house. All I need to do is see The Look. Unfortunately, I usually spend much longer than a second in it.
- OK, I am on a roll now. What else? I can break a pair of sunglasses in a second. The more expensive they are the quicker I will break them. I am death incarnate for sunglasses.
- My golden retriever, Sawyer, will wag his tail in a second when he sees me come home from work.
- It takes a second for me to kiss my wife good-bye every morning. Something I always try to do, even when I’m in the dog house. Not if she happens to be in the bathroom, though. That’s just gross.
- Finally, it’s going to take me a second to click the Publish button on this post, and millions of seconds thereafter to regret it.