I Can Make Just About Anything Dirty

I Can Make Just About Anything Dirty

If you haven’t already figured it out by the title, I’m going to get a little dirty in this post.  So if that’s not your thing, now would be a good time to hit the cat videos on You Tube. Still here? Yea I thought so.  Continuing on… I have the ability to see/hear something dirty in just about anything I encounter.  When I’m listening to music I often find myself involuntarily replacing the lyrics to make them dirty.  Take…

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Off The Grid

Off The Grid

Not a post. Just wanted to let the four people who read this blog know I’ve been off the grid. Back in a few days. UPDATE (11/01/16) – Well I am finally back in the land of Wi-Fi and the Blogosphere.  The reason I was off the grid was because I went to my home state of Texas for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. No, regardless of what Non-Natives think about Texas, it does have internet.  That’s not the reason.  I’ll…

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I’m Thinking Oscar Short Film Contender For Sure

I’m Thinking Oscar Short Film Contender For Sure

Several months ago my wife gave me a Go Pro video camera so I could record the hikes I take.  She used to accompany me on these hikes but her rheumatoid arthritis has gotten to a point where she just can’t do it anymore.  So she wanted me to record the hikes I go on with my hiking partner, Sawyer, the 100 LB wonder dog. That way she gets to watch them afterward and it’s kind of like she was there with…

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What The Hell Are Short Stoppers?

What The Hell Are Short Stoppers?

I often jot down notes on my phone when I think of something to write about.  If I don’t, that idea will be gone into the ether five minutes later. I was looking at my list of notes today and found one that simply said “Short Stoppers.” What the hell?  I have no clue what I was thinking about on that one. Evidently I thought those two words would be enough to jog my memory, but I’m coming up blank. What…

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Your Mom Goes To College

Your Mom Goes To College

Prepare yourself. This next statement is going to be profound. There are two types of people in this world. Those who love the movie Napoleon Dynamite and those that loath it. (There are actually two other types. Top TP rollers and bottom TP rollers. But that’s fodder for another post. For now, just pretend there are only two types.) I love it!  I think it’s hilarious. I love watching it over and over.  I love quoting from it while trying…

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Prince Helped Establish My Teenage Nerd Status

Prince Helped Establish My Teenage Nerd Status

When I was a teen and first heard “Little Red Corvette” on the radio I thought the words were “Live and Collect”. You know, like the girl in the song was living and collecting guys as she went along? There was no internet or Sound Hound to look up the lyrics back then. Music videos hadn’t even come on the scene yet. I didn’t buy the cassette; I just taped it off the radio like all my other allowance challenged…

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Head Wax

Head Wax

Back when I noticed I was starting to lose my hair I decided to do a pre-emptive strike and shave it all off.  Mrs. Fancy-Pants (check out her blog, it’s awesome) recently made a comment on a previous post where she mentioned that her friend tried to use an Epilady on his beard.  This reminded me of the time I thought it would be easier to wax my head than shave it every day.  So I got my wife, Michele,…

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Forget Waterboarding, just use an Epilady.

Forget Waterboarding, just use an Epilady.

All you women asked for them, all us men bought them for you in December of 1988.  As promised in an earlier post, this is my story about the Epilady.  I’m betting it is quite similar to many others. Sometime in the fall of ’88 the below commercial was constantly on TV.  I’m sure it would have been on You Tube videos and banner ads if there had been an Interweb back then, but it was just TV.  Take a look….

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Coming soon to an orifice near you! It’s Buttfit!

Coming soon to an orifice near you! It’s Buttfit!

Recently my team had to work a grave yard shift (10 PM – 6 AM) for a week to do some testing on a naval radar system.  You can imagine that around 3 AM we all get a little punchy.  We fuel up on 5 hour energy, Monsters, and Slim Jims to stay awake.  In some of the down time between tests, our caffeine fueled minds get to racing and all kinds of conversations are started. During one of these times, several of my…

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Like Castaway, only with less beard hair.

Like Castaway, only with less beard hair.

I’d like to introduce you to Tim.  Tim is my best friend.  He’s a racquetball. Yes, I’m weird, I’ve heard. Tim goes with me most everywhere. He likes to bounce along with me when I take the dog for a walk.  He likes to bounce off the wall and return to me when I sit on the couch.  He also likes to stare at me with that eternal optimistic grin of his.  Sometimes I like to squeeze him over and over when I’m…

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